Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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