It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
