threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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