dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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