Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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