I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
