At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
