Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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