Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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