He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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