I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Quick, to the slutcave!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If its not for food we ain't going out.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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