I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
