Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
