I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I want to be your penis for a week.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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