Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
