My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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