I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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