it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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