Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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