you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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