fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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