You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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