I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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