the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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