hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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