Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
