I met the friendliest cop last night
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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