cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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