so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
