I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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