I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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