Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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