Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
