You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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