just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
