Need sex. Gaining weight.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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