Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
