sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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