There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
