no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
