I think I can smell my own vagina right now
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
