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Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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