How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He passed out mid-signature
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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