just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
