their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
