You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
