One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
