yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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