My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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