i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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