Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Boobs are out for the taking
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
