my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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