Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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