He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
