it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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