The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
