Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
